


Stay With Us

by PhantomFlutist



Category: VIXX
Genre: Blood Drinking, Fae & Fairies, Gen, Self-Hatred, Swearing, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 23:27:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8228339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomFlutist/pseuds/PhantomFlutist
Summary: You guys deserve to reach the top. You deserve to have everything you’ve dreamed about. VIXX forever, right?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to finish the next chapter of error au yesterday but then I had a shit mental health day so instead you get this fic that's been sitting on my hard drive for half of ever.
> 
> Thanks to Reney for betaing! Sorry I didn't add that scene you suggested--I couldn't figure out where to put it and my brain just wouldn't do it. But hopefully it's okay as is.

Hakyeon knows he probably shouldn’t have left the dorm so late at night. He’s the leader, he’s supposed to be a good example for the other members, but he felt like he was suffocating in that tiny apartment. That’s happening a lot more, lately. The expectations, the pressure…he loves his job and his fans, but sometimes it just gets to be too much. He is so tired.  
  
So he escaped—snuck out of the dorm when no one was looking and went for a walk. He doesn’t plan to go far or be out for long—the goal is to be back before anyone misses him—but he starts wandering, lost in his thoughts, and before he knows it he realizes that he’s been out for an hour and is no longer in their neighborhood.  
  
The alley he’s standing in is barely lit up by a flickering street lamp, and Hakyeon strains to see anything that might tell him where he is. There are no businesses in this area, only residential buildings and what might be office spaces during the day.  
  
At this time of night, Hakyeon is completely alone.  
  
He’s just resolved to turn around and go back the way he came with the hope of finding something he recognizes when a chill goes down his back and he stops short. He’s not alone in this alley.  
  
“Hello?” he calls, looking around furtively. He can _tell_ somehow, that someone is here, but he doesn’t see anyone. “I don’t want any trouble. If you’ll just tell me where I am I’ll get lost.”  
  
He’s starting to think he’s hallucinating when there are quiet footsteps behind him. He turns to see a tiny slip of a girl—she can’t be more than thirteen or fourteen—in a wispy, pale blue dress and combat boots. Her face breaks out in a wide smile and she skips closer out of the shadows, examining him.  
  
“What is VIXX’s N doing out here by himself at this time of night?” she asks. Her voice is high and lilting, and she tips her head to one side as she watches him.  
  
He could ask her a similar question. She’s just a kid, and it’s well past midnight—time for little girls to be in bed. “I got lost,” he admits, shrugging. “If you could give me directions….”  
  
Her smile turns predatory and her eyes flash red. “You’re alone and no one knows where you are? Perfect.” She starts stalking towards him and Hakyeon can’t shake the feeling that whatever this is, it is very bad.  
  
He takes a step back, raising his hands defensively. His feet crunch on loose gravel and garbage and make him wince. “Look, I…I’d be glad to give you an autograph, if you want. But I really do need to get home. The others will be worried.”  
  
“Don’t worry,” she tells him. It would be more reassuring if she weren’t still advancing forward like a hunting lion on the Serengeti. “I’ll get you home. After I get a little more than just your signature.”  
  
He blanches. This chick is _weird_ , and Hakyeon wishes he had never snuck out in the first place. “What,” he starts, then has to clear his throat because he refuses to sound like a terrified child, regardless of how hard he’s sweating right now. “What do you want?”  
  
She smirks at him and it is…unnatural, like her face is contorting in a way it wasn’t supposed to. Her canines poke out, just a bit, and they’re dazzlingly white and longer than they had been, Hakyeon would bet money on it. “Your life,” she says.  
  
Hakyeon tries to bolt. Being a dancer has given him strong legs, but he isn’t Taekwoon, and he has never been a good runner. It doesn’t matter. He’s barely gotten three steps when a grip like steel clamps around his upper arms and shoves him against a wall. He cries out in pain, the brick of the building digging into his hands and his face, and then she’s jerking his head to the side and the world dissolves into agony.  
  
He’s vaguely aware of a mouth on his neck, of being gently lowered to the ground. As his vision starts to go black, something is pressed to his mouth. He can’t think, and everything is becoming so floaty and soft around the edges. She massages his throat and he swallows on instinct. Whatever he’s drinking is cold, smooth, and vaguely metallic.  
  
And then the world goes dark, and Hakyeon welcomes it.  
  
\---  
  
When he awakes it’s in his own bed, to his alarm going off. The others shift and grumble beside him, and Hakyeon reaches out slowly and turns the alarm off. His phone cracks when he touches it and Hakyeon sighs. He’s too tired to be upset about that right now.  
  
He throws his blanket off and realizes he’s in pajamas. It would not be the first time he had basically sleepwalked through getting ready for bed, but…he distinctly remembers leaving the house last night, but he does not remember coming home. In fact, the last thing he can recall is—he slaps a hand to his neck. But there is no gaping wound, no scrapes on his knuckles or his cheekbone from being shoved against a wall by an impossibly strong tiny girl. Did he dream the whole thing?  
  
“Hyung?”  
  
Hakyeon looks up, and Hongbin is staring at him with wide eyes from a few beds away.  
  
“What?” he tries to ask lightly, weird dreams shoved firmly aside. “Do I have something on my face? You’re not allowed to make fun of me for sleep lines, Hongbin-ah, it’s the rules.”  
  
Hongbin shakes his head, maybe a bit too frantically, as he looks pained and puts a hand to his head when he stops. “Hyung,” he tries again, “I didn’t realize…if I’d known the jokes bothered you this much I would have stopped. We didn’t mean it; we were just teasing.”  
  
Hakyeon’s brow furrows and he allows himself a moment of gratitude that maybe finally they’ll stop torturing their leader, but confusion wins out and he asks, “What are you talking about?”  
  
“Is that where you went last night? You didn’t say anything and then you were gone a long time.” Hongbin abruptly climbs over Jaehwan, still sleeping between them, to take Hakyeon’s hands in his. “You went to have your _skin bleached?_ Is that even legal? God, hyung, if the fans find out—“ he trails off, because Hakyeon had made a strange choking noise and is scrambling up to find a mirror and stare at himself.  
  
The skin color he had wanted for the first twenty years of his life because he hadn’t been the same and children were cruel, the skin color that he had  _stopped wanting_ some time ago because he’d come to terms with who he was…well, he has it now. But he isn’t sure how, or why, and can’t help thinking of fluttery blue dresses and unimaginable pain and wondering if maybe he’s going crazy.  
  
“Hongbin,” he chokes out, “can you wake the others? We have practice in an hour.” He sees Hongbin’s terse nod in the mirror and notes how worried he looks, and then Hakyeon ducks into the bathroom for a shower.  
  
Maybe this is all a cruel joke. Maybe the others put makeup on him while he slept. But Hakyeon knows the weight of makeup on his skin by now, and he knows there isn’t any. He scrubs harder, just in case.  
  
When he steps out of the shower stall he isn’t pink from the heat and his vigorous washing. His skin is still smooth and white like porcelain and…that is just really weird. What is happening to him? His head is pounding from the stress, in at least five individual ways, and Hakyeon kind of feels like breaking something.  
  
The bedroom, when Hakyeon emerges, is empty save for Hongbin. “I told the others that you needed a minute and they all vacated,” he says. And then, “Are you okay?”  
  
Hakyeon really isn’t sure. This is _weird_ , and he doesn’t know what happened or what to do but he can’t just _let people see him like this._ He had found something, a place where he could make a difference. So many kids have told him that they’re embracing their dark skin because of him and now…what? They’ll think he bleached it and that will make him a fraud and a bad role model.  
  
“I can’t go out like this,” he says to Hongbin. He isn’t sure how to communicate the sheer dread he feels at the thought, gnawing angry and violent at the pit of his stomach.  
  
Hongbin seems to understand anyway, because he brings over Hakyeon’s makeup box and sits them down facing one another. “You won’t have to,” he promises. “Now hold still.”  
  
\---  
  
His face and neck look relatively normal, at least. Hongbin’s makeup skills are not the best, but it will suffice for going to practice. Hakyeon pulls on a sweater and tugs the sleeves down low over his hands and prays that no one will notice how white they are.  
  
The smell of breakfast—Taekwoon cooked; it looks delicious—makes Hakyeon’s stomach roil and clench. He sits down with the others anyway and picks at the rice and the soup. Every swallow hurts, but he forces it down anyway, trying to smile at Wonshik and Jaehwan’s bad jokes.  
  
Across the table Hongbin and Taekwoon watch him with worried eyes. He’s quiet, he knows. They probably have reason to be concerned, because their leader is having vivid hallucinations of…what was she, exactly? Some crazy fan? Something worse? Hakyeon doesn’t feel like he can trust himself to know for sure, let alone know if she was even real.  
  
God, he’s glad they only have practice today. He just feels…wrong, like all of his cells were rearranged overnight, and he’s still the same person but at the same time he isn’t. Like whatever happened last night changed him somehow. Great, now he sounds like an idiot as well as crazy.  
  
The smiles and laughter continue as Taekwoon quietly bullies the younger ones into cleaning up, and Hakyeon gives him a grateful look. Taekwoon is a huge help to him, every single day, and Hakyeon will never be able to give him all the thanks he deserves.  
  
His stomach hurts, and his head is still pounding. Everything is so loud, laughter he usually loved now grating on his ears. Why is this happening to him? He wants to go back to bed. Or to go back to yesterday and never leave the house. He is so stupid. What had he even done to himself? Did he go drinking and he just doesn’t remember it? Usually he remembers at least the start of the night, even if the rest is kind of fuzzy. And why would he go drinking on his own anyway?  
  
All that thinking in circles makes him dizzy…and sick to his stomach. With a jolt, he’s up and out of the room, shoving into the bathroom to lean over the toilet and heave. His mother always told him that one day all his worrying would make him physically ill. Guess she was right.  
  
Hongbin comes in, closing the door softly behind him. “Hyung,” he says, “are you okay? I didn’t even see you leave.” Hakyeon is surprised. He figured everyone would notice his awkward fumbling. But apparently he was more subtle than he thought.  
  
Hakyeon flushes the toilet and stands to rinse his mouth out at the sink. “I’m fine,” he insists. He is not fine. None of this is fine. “Breakfast just didn’t agree with me, I guess.”  
  
Hongbin’s face says that he doesn’t believe him, when Hakyeon glances at his reflection in the mirror. But he doesn’t argue, just asks, “Do you want to stay home today? I can tell manager-hyung that you’re sick.”  
  
Hakyeon shakes his head, turning to face Hongbin. He tries to smile, but it feels brittle and painful, so he stops. “I’m fine,” he says again. Maybe if he keeps saying that he’ll believe it. “It’s just practice, anyway.”  
  
Hongbin looks skeptical at best, but he leaves it be and instead wraps Hakyeon in a hug. Hakyeon is too tired to hug back properly, just lets his hands rest on Hongbin’s hips for a few moments until Hongbin releases him.  
  
Hakyeon tries to put his leader persona back on as they leave the bathroom, calling for the others to get ready and smiling indulgently at their antics, but it doesn’t feel like it fits him anymore. The smile is too wide, the words too loud, the whole role just too cheerful, too much. Maybe he should have let Hongbin tell the manager that he was sick. He could have stayed home and napped all day. That would have been nice.  
  
Instead he gathers his things, herds the others out the door, and wades past the pack of fans outside (how do they even know that they have practice today?) to the car. He tries to relax in his place in the front seat, turning the radio to something that’s not too excited and staring out the window. The others don’t argue about his music choice and soon enough all the voices peter out and Hakyeon knows they’ve fallen asleep. He wishes that he could, too.  
  
\---  
  
Practice is hell. If he thought his head hurt before, well, he underestimated what would happen to the pounding in his skull when his heartrate picked up. It’s so loud he can barely hear the music, and he keeps messing up the rhythm of the dance steps.  
  
The third time he steps on someone’s foot, Taekwoon turns off the music and calls for a five minute break. Everyone collapses gratefully next to water bottles, but Hakyeon just…stands there. He’s not hot or sweaty. He’s not even tired. But his head feels like it’s about to split in two and there’s a weird itching at the back of his throat. Maybe he is getting sick.  
  
Taekwoon brings him a bottle of water and Hakyeon drinks it because he’s expected to. It tastes weird and stale, and feels like alcohol going down, burning his throat on the way. The itching gets worse. “Thanks,” he manages to croak out for Taekwoon, who is watching him with a furrowed brow.  
  
“Are you okay?” Taekwoon asks, in that soft way he has. Hakyeon envies him being known for being quiet and aloof. It would be much easier to hide how out of sorts he is.  
  
“I’m fine,” Hakyeon assures him, though since it comes out husky and cracks in the middle, he’s pretty sure that Taekwoon doesn’t believe him.  
  
A stern Taekwoon is a sight to behold. It’s not the playful scolding he uses on the younger members sometimes, or the stoic violence that means they’ve gone too far with a joke. Taekwoon only gets stern when he thinks the others are being idiots about their own well-being, and Hakyeon can’t help but compare him to a disapproving mother when he does it. Like right now, when he crosses his arms over his chest and stares Hakyeon down until he has no choice but to confess.  
  
“Alright, fine,” Hakyeon admits, “so I’m not in perfect condition today. But I can finish practice, it’s not a big deal.”  
  
Taekwoon’s frown deepens, and he reaches down and picks up one of Hakyeon’s hands, lifting it higher to examine it. Hakyeon has a bit of a panic attack, wanting to yank his hand away but also not wanting Taekwoon to _notice_ , until Taekwoon murmurs, “Your life line breaks in the middle.”  
  
Oh, he was reading Hakyeon’s palm. And it just figures that he would be focusing on that again. “No it doesn’t,” he says, pulling his hand back. “And I’m _fine_. Can we please get back to practice?”  
  
Taekwoon looks displeased, but nods anyway, because he knows how to pick his battles. Hakyeon’s not dumb enough to think that this means it’s over, or that he’s won, because Taekwoon will undoubtedly bring it up again, especially if Hakyeon doesn’t get better.  
  
\---  
  
Hakyeon collapses face-first on his futon as soon as they get home. He threw up again at lunch, and now they’re making dinner but he can’t even think about food without wanting to retch. To make matters worse, his throat positively _burns_ , and he might actually be getting sick. It’ll be a bad one this time, he’s sure of that. If this is how he feels when it hasn’t even hit yet, he doesn’t want to know what tomorrow will be like.  
  
He should have just stayed home from practice. He wasn’t any help to anyone and just kept screwing up the timing and running into people. Also, Sanghyuk’s toe might be broken. At least, he was complaining a lot after that last time Hakyeon stepped on it.  
  
He wants to crawl under the blankets and never come out. He wants to cry like a little baby and let Taekwoon mother him and forget how many people he has waiting for him, relying on him. He wants the ache in his throat, the pounding in his head to stop, and he wishes that he could block out the flashes of his dream (memories) that keep coming back to him like his own personal, gruesome movie.  
  
_‘What the_ hell _happened to me?’_ he wonders again. None of it makes sense. None of what happened last night could even be _possible_ , except that he remembers it, clear as day.  
  
The girl in the ragged, pale blue dress and the muddy, worn leather combat boots. As crazy as it sounded, if she really exists then she would have the answers he needs. She might be his only chance of finding out what happened to him, what he’d…become.  
  
He swallows around the anxious knot in his throat; it burns like swallowing broken glass. It’s a stupid idea. She isn’t real. He is sick, and she was a fever dream. In a few days he’ll be back to normal and he’ll laugh about how silly he was. ‘What he’d become,’ indeed!  
  
There’s a soft knock and then Hongbin steps quietly into the room, closing the door behind him. Hakyeon hears the click of the lock like an explosion in his head, even such a low noise physically painful to him. “Hyung?” Hongbin whispers. It feels like he’s shouting.  
  
Hakyeon groans pitifully at him, rolling over and letting all his limbs flop out. A brief thought flutters through his mind, _‘I wonder if this is what dying feels like.’_  
  
Hongbin sinks down cross-legged next to him on the mattress. “Are you okay?” he asks, still in that barely-there whisper, like he knows just how much Hakyeon’s head hurts.  
  
“No,” Hakyeon whines. Normally he wouldn’t burden the younger ones with his problems, but he is _not_ okay, and Hongbin already knew anyway. “Everything hurts.”  
  
Hongbin reaches out for him, pats his shoulder consolingly, and a smell drifts into Hakyeon’s nose, sweet and slightly metallic. His throat burns harder, and suddenly Hakyeon is _famished_. Hongbin’s hand drifts into his hair, stroking gently through the strands, and it feels _so good_ , the massaging fingers on his scalp finally making the headache start to fade.  
  
But there’s still that delicious smell, and Hakyeon is starving, and there’s something catching in his hair every time Hongbin’s hand moves. Hakyeon reaches up without thinking about it, captures Hongbin’s hand in his own and pulls it down to inspect it.  
  
Even in the dim light in here Hakyeon can see the bandage wrapped around Hongbin’s first finger. “What’d you do?” he asks, prodding at it. Perhaps he’s a bit too rough, because Hongbin hisses before replying.  
  
“Cut myself slicing vegetables. Wonshikkie kicked me out of the kitchen.” He starts to pull his hand away, but when Hakyeon doesn’t release it immediately he gives in and leaves it there.  
  
“You should be careful, Hongbin-ah,” Hakyeon admonishes, but there’s no heat in it. He’s too tired for that, and he’s still trying to figure out what that smell is. What are they cooking out there?  
  
“Sorry, hyung,” Hongbin murmurs, giving in easily when Hakyeon laces their fingers together and pulls them close to his face to kiss the knuckle of Hongbin’s injured finger. It occurs to him that he’s not usually this affectionate with any of his members, but Hongbin doesn’t seem to mind, so Hakyeon chalks it up to his mysterious illness and keeps hold of his hand.  
  
The smell is stronger now, and without really knowing what he’s doing Hakyeon starts to nuzzle Hongbin’s hand, working his way up to the bandage, where he inhales deeply. Hongbin must have gotten some of whatever they were making for dinner on his hands, because that is definitely where the amazing smell is coming from.  
  
When he unwinds the bandage, Hakyeon tells himself that he’s inspecting the damage to their precious visual’s hand. But even as he does so he knows it’s a lie. He doesn’t know why, but he _needs_ to see the cut.  
  
The blood is already clotting, but quite a bit is soaked into the bandage and smeared around the tear in Hongbin’s skin. With the bandage gone, the smell gets even stronger.  
  
He doesn’t even realize what he’s doing until he’s already licked delicately at Hongbin’s finger. Hongbin lets out a little gasp that Hakyeon barely hears over the sound of his own moan. Flavor bursts across his tongue and the ache in his throat recedes some.  
  
Hongbin doesn’t say a word when Hakyeon takes his finger into his mouth to suck on, he just puts his other hand on Hakyeon’s head and pets through his hair.  
  
The slow trickle of blood is delicious, intoxicating. It cools the burn in Hakyeon’s throat and settles the roiling in his belly. But it’s not enough, and he pulls away gasping, appalled at what he’s done. “Hongbin, I’m sorry,” he says, but it comes out slurred and awkward. His canines are larger than he’s used to and they’re hard to speak around. What is happening to him?  
  
Hongbin’s hand strokes through Hakyeon’s hair once more. “Hyung, it’s okay,” he whispers. “You need to eat.”  
  
“I _can’t_ ,” Hakyeon whines. It hurts to try. He just wants to sleep and hope that the headache and everything else is gone when he wakes up.  
  
Hongbin shrugs out of the cardigan he’s wearing and reaches out to cup the back of Hakyeon’s neck. “You can, hyung,” he murmurs. “Go for the shoulder, somewhere I can cover up with a T-shirt.”  
  
Hakyeon doesn’t understand. What was that about Hongbin’s shoulder? He tries to ask, but Hongbin pulls him forward so that he’s up close and personal with the smooth, pale skin of Hongbin’s upper arm. Hakyeon’s canines seem to get even longer and his breathing quickens. He’s _starving_.  
  
“We’ll talk in a minute, I promise,” Hongbin tells him. “Just drink first, please. It’s okay.”  
  
_‘Drink?’_ Hakyeon thinks. And then he realizes: the teeth, the burn in his throat, the girl last night, _sucking on Hongbin’s cut._ Oh god, he’s a vampire. “Vampires aren’t real,” he whines. Why is Hongbin so chill about this? Why is he just going along with the delusions that Hakyeon is clearly having because of his mysterious illness?  
  
Hongbin’s hand on his neck pulls Hakyeon’s face closer to that delectable skin, and it’s like Hakyeon can _hear_ the blood singing through his veins. Right, Hongbin said they would talk after Hakyeon fed. He isn’t sure what’s going on and part of him is disgusted at the thought of drinking someone’s blood. But a bigger part of him is starving and knows exactly what he craves.  
  
Letting out a choked sob, Hakyeon lets himself lean forward the last few centimeters and press the tips of his fangs—god that’s weird. _He has fangs_ —to the skin just beneath Hongbin’s shoulder.  
  
A shudder goes through Hongbin, but his hand remains firm on Hakyeon’s neck. He takes a deep breath and then nods, a motion that Hakyeon feels more than sees.  
  
The act of biting down is easier than he thought it would be. Those teeth are deadly sharp, and they slide into Hongbin’s flesh like a hot knife through butter. As soon as they’ve pierced as far as they can he pulls them out again, and with them comes a rush of blood.  
  
Hongbin holds very still while Hakyeon drinks, petting the little hairs at the nape of his neck with two fingers but otherwise remaining like a statue. Hakyeon doesn’t think he’s even breathing.  
  
When he finally pulls away, Hakyeon licks one last time at the wounds he’s made and then scoots away. The marks still bleed sluggishly and Hakyeon can’t seem to look Hongbin in the eye.  
  
Hongbin gets up slowly and goes somewhere, while Hakyeon stays frozen in place. God, what did he just do? He’s Hongbin’s _hyung._ He’s supposed to take care of Hongbin, and instead he’s drinking his blood. This is all wrong.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Hakyeon mutters when Hongbin comes back and sinks down in front of him. There’s a stark white bandage taped to his upper arm.  
  
“For what?” Hongbin asks. He shrugs back into his cardigan. He’s acting like nothing unusual has happened at all. “Hyung, you needed to eat before the bloodlust made you attack someone. And my blood will satisfy you for longer than human blood will, so it only made sense.”  
  
That statement gives Hakyeon so many questions that he isn’t sure where to start. He chokes on his words several times trying to decide on something, and Hongbin just sits there patiently. “How did you know?” he asks at last. “I didn’t even realize what I was, so how did you….”  
  
Hongbin’s smile is soft. It’s the face he uses on kids and nervous fans. Hakyeon does not want that face directed at him. “My kind and your kind have been coexisting for centuries, hyung. We keep your kind fed, and in return you help us with our magic and don’t kill the humans that we protect.”  
  
Hakyeon knows now what _his kind_ is, even if he isn’t ready to say it out loud, but he can’t even guess what Hongbin could possibly be implying about himself. “What do you mean, ‘your kind’?” he asks.  
  
“The fae,” Hongbin says, shrugging. “The magic in our blood should keep you satisfied for longer, so you’ll only have to feed every few days.”  
  
“You’re a _fairy_?” Hakyeon chokes out. Didn’t fairies have wings or something? He was also under the impression that they were much smaller. No one as tall as Hongbin could possibly be a fairy.  
  
Hongbin’s face is pinched. He’s clearly trying not to make that full-on bitch face that means he is truly appalled at someone’s stupidity. Hakyeon appreciates the effort. “Please don’t call me that,” Hongbin says. “Most of the things you know about the fae are wrong. We prefer it that way. It makes our job easier.”  
  
Hakyeon considers that, wonders what things _are_ true. “What job?” he wonders.  
  
There’s a little furrow in Hongbin’s brow. “We protect humans. This—you guys—is my assignment.” His eyes fall from Hakyeon’s face for the first time since the conversation started, and he heaves a deep sigh. “I failed with you. I’m sorry.”  
  
Hakyeon is shaking his head before he knows what he’s doing. “I’m the hyung,” he protests. “I’m supposed to take care of _you_.”  
  
“I’m half a century older than you,” Hongbin deadpans. “You’re not my first assignment. But you were supposed to be easier than my last one.” He reaches out and presses a hand to Hakyeon’s knee. “I got complacent. I’m so sorry.”  
  
Hakyeon takes Hongbin’s hand in both of his and squeezes it, gently. “It’s not your fault. I made a dumb decision and now I’m paying for it. It happens; I’ll figure it out.”  
  
Hongbin’s smile is weak, but there. “I’m right here beside you,” he promises. “You don’t have to figure it out alone.”  
  
There’s screaming just outside the room, and Hakyeon feels it like a needle to the head just like before, but without the hunger clawing at him too it’s a bit more tolerable. He whines anyway, and asks Hongbin, “Does it ever get less loud?”  
  
Hongbin chuckles and pats his hand. “Unfortunately, no,” he says. “But you’ll get used to it and then it won’t hurt so much, at least.”  
  
Hakyeon is not sure this vampire thing is worthwhile. Who would want to live like this? Moreover, who would decide that someone else should have to live like this? He’s beginning to suspect that the girl—the vampire—who did this to him was a very sad, vindictive person who couldn’t stand other people being happy when she was…the way she was.  
  
Sitting in silence with Hongbin is kind of nice, Hakyeon thinks. But he has more questions, and one of them is, “Will I still age?”  
  
Hongbin hesitates, bites his lip, and finally tells him, “Being a vampire isn’t like it is in the movies. It’s an infection, basically, but one with magical origins that changes your life-state, so to speak. You’ll still age, but much more slowly than humans. Most of the bodily functions that you’re used to will remain the same. The biggest change is how you get sustenance.”  
  
“And stronger senses,” Hakyeon adds, “and my skin.” He looks down at his hands, now a paler white than Hongbin’s. What is he supposed to do about that?  
  
“We’ll figure it out,” Hongbin promises again. “No one has to know, if you don’t want them to.”  
  
Hakyeon shrugs. It’s a big deal, but he doesn’t want to make it a big deal. He feels like a really important part of himself has been torn away and he’s not sure what to do, but he also doesn’t want to make things harder for Hongbin and everyone else when there’s nothing they can do about it. “Why did my skin change, anyway?” he asks. He tries to push his tone towards mildly curious, rather than desperate for answers.  
  
Hongbin’s sympathetic face tells him that he probably missed the mark a bit. “Something about a lack of skin pigment inherent in creatures that are meant to live in darkness,” Hongbin says. It is not comforting at all. “There’s a pseudo-science-y explanation, but I’m guessing that’s not really what you wanted.”  
  
“No, not really,” Hakyeon admits. What he really wants is to go back to the way he was. All the other stuff he can deal with, he’ll figure out, but this…his skin color was something he’d just learned to embrace, and now it feels like he has to learn himself all over again. Everything about him is different, and he was just hoping that one thing, just _one_ , could be the way he expected it to be.  
  
There’s a soft knock at the door and Sanghyuk’s voice informs them that dinner is ready. Hakyeon smiles weakly at Hongbin. “Tell them I’m not feeling well and wanted to rest, okay?” he says.

Hongbin nods at him, serious and accepting, and he pats Hakyeon’s hand again and then gets up, leaves the room and closes the door behind him.  
  
Hakyeon lies back against his pillow and doesn’t bother trying to sleep. He can hear the heartbeats of five young men who rely on him in the other room; can hear their quiet, concerned conversation about him and the fact that he hasn’t eaten properly all day. He loves them, all of them, and doesn’t know what he would do without them at this point. But he also can’t help but wonder whether it would be better for them, in the long run, if he wasn’t their leader anymore.  
  
“I’m a vampire,” he whispers into the silence of the bedroom. He has to drink blood in order to live now. He’s got super senses, and his skin is pale white, and despite what Hongbin said, this feels exactly the way it looks in the movies. Hakyeon understands why all of those movie vampires are so emo and angry at the world. None of this makes sense, and Hakyeon wishes that he at least knew why she chose him, of all people.  
  
The familiar sounds of his bandmates moving around the apartment are comforting, and Hakyeon lets them lull him into relaxation. Soon enough, he feels the weight of sleep creeping in, and he welcomes it with open arms, hoping deep in his heart that when he wakes up all of this will have been a terrible dream.  
  
_“All of these sleeping boys, unaware you were even gone. What will they do if you really leave them, I wonder? Will they even notice your absence?”_

\---

  
It’s not a decision he makes lightly, when he begs illness and watches them all walk out the door, off to practice without him. He should be there at their sides, working on the choreography that he put his heart and soul into. They have thousands of fans waiting for this new performance, and despite that, despite everything he’s ever wanted and the dreams that he’s just now fulfilling, Hakyeon stays at the dorm.  
  
It takes surprisingly little time to pack his things, into a small backpack and a single rolling suitcase. He’s careful to get everything—he won’t be coming back here.  
  
When he leaves his key behind, on top of a note that he wrote but doesn’t want to think about, and closes the door behind him, it feels far more final and damning than he thought it might. This isn’t how he wanted it to go. Hakyeon had dreams, big dreams that he wanted to fulfill with the five other members of VIXX at his side. But apparently fate had another road for him, and now he’s traveling it.  
  
There’s a separate note, tucked into the book Hongbin has been reading lately. It’s for his eyes only, things that Hakyeon couldn’t say to the others because they don’t _know._ How was he supposed to tell them that he’s a vampire now? How was he supposed to explain any of it without sounding crazy? He hopes they’ll forgive him, but he knows that they probably never will. Still, at least Hongbin will know the truth.  
  
He sneaks out the back of the building, and then gets on a train. He’s not actually sure where he’s going, but he aims for ‘as far away from here as possible’ and decides that he’ll figure it out along the way.  
  
The finality of it scares him, and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do now. But Hakyeon knows that he can’t force VIXX to deal with this, and he can’t think of any other solution. He’s no longer fit to be their leader, or a role model for anyone. VIXX’s N has to cease to exist. It’s the best thing for everyone, in the long run.  
  
Cha Hakyeon will survive, somehow.  
  
\---  
  
The dorm is quiet when they get home. At first Hongbin thinks that Hakyeon might be sleeping. The Turning is traumatic, a rapid rearranging of a person’s cells. The recovery time varies, but Hongbin has known new vampires to be off for as long as a month afterward, and frankly he’d been surprised by how well Hakyeon was coping. He hadn’t been surprised when Hakyeon had decided to stay home that morning.  
  
But when he goes into the bedroom to check on Hakyeon, he’s not there. Even more concerning is the fact that all of his things are gone, his clothes and accessories, his books, even his phone charger from its spot in the wall outlet.  
  
He goes back into the main room, intent on informing the others of this horrifying development, and finds them all huddled around Taekwoon at the coffee table in the living room. He’s holding an electronic door key and a small slip of paper, and the sight makes Hongbin’s stomach swoop with dread.  
  
“He’s gone,” Sanghyuk whispers. He’s well on his way to tears, their strong maknae except when it comes to things happening to his hyungs, and Hongbin can handle a lot of things but Sanghyuk crying is not one of them.  
  
Hongbin shakes his head, comes over to peer at the note over Taekwoon’s shoulder. Hakyeon probably just needs some time. He’s going through a lot and he probably just went to see his parents for a couple of days. He’ll be back. He has to come back.  
  
_“I’m really sorry I’m doing this, guys,”_ the note says. Hongbin thinks he’s gaping, his mouth open comically, but he can’t find it in himself to care. _“I tried to think of another way, but there doesn’t seem to be one. I wanted to be VIXX with you all, to stand on the stage with you and perform as a group, but it looks like that’s not going to happen. I can’t be your leader anymore. I can’t really explain the reasons, but trust me when I say that you’re better off without me._  
  
_“I love you all a lot, and I’m going to miss you. I’m guessing you’ll probably be too hurt and angry to miss me, but that’s okay. All I ask is that you do your best, that you take care of each other, and that you keep reaching for your dreams even though I’m not there to reach for them with you._  
  
_“Please don’t look for me. I don’t want to be found, and it’s better for all of us if you just let me go.”_  
  
The note isn’t signed, but it didn’t have to be. It’s obvious who it’s from.  
  
“Why would he do this?” Wonshik asks. His voice is soft and he’s surprisingly calm. He’s looking for reasoning, trying to solve the problem somehow, probably.  
  
“I don’t know,” Sanghyuk sniffles. “Does it matter? He _left_ us. Right in the middle of preparing for a new album, he just left, like he doesn’t care.”  
  
“He must have his reasons,” Taekwoon says. His voice is quiet as always but he seems alright, like he doesn’t believe Hakyeon actually left. “He may come back on his own. For now, let’s give him time.”  
  
Hongbin knows why Hakyeon left. He’s the only person who knows and he can’t tell them because it wouldn’t help anything. How does one explain the world of supernatural creatures that aren’t supposed to exist? How would he even begin to tell them how he knows without revealing that he’s their decades-old guardian, and that he’s not human either? Part of the task he was charged with was to protect them from his world, and he’s already failed that with Hakyeon but he can’t in good conscience fail it with the rest of them without good reason.  
  
So the only solutions left to Hongbin are either to find a way to bring Hakyeon back or to admit that he’s failed in his mission and to cut him loose. But just because he’s let Hakyeon go doesn’t mean that the others will, and it won’t solve anything if they’re still waiting for him to return.  
  
So really Hongbin has only one option: he has to hunt Hakyeon down and force him to return.  
  
\---  
  
The sea air smells fresh and clean after so long in the city. Hakyeon has missed the countryside, the open spaces and greenery and everything being so alive. It’s quieter here, the voices and heartbeats and traffic all softer somehow. Maybe it’s because there’s more room for him to breathe.  
  
He’s surprisingly calm, considering he just left everything he knows behind him. The hours on the train, sleeping when he could, staring out the window and trying not to cry when he couldn’t, have left him raw and open. He’s less N now, and more Hakyeon. It’s like every mile he went took a little bit of his singer/dancer persona with it, until he’s got nothing left. Because what is he without that? He’s Cha Hakyeon, and he’s a vampire. It’s been so long since he wanted to be anything other than an idol that he’s not sure if he even _has_ any other skills.  
  
He wanders an open beach for a while, letting the sun beat down on his face and for once not worrying that his skin will get darker as a result. In fact, he would be glad for a bit of a tan right now, anything to let him forget about the pasty pale hue that he’s taken on. This is not the person he wants to be.  
  
Hongbin said he wouldn’t need to eat for a while. And he’s not sure what he’s going to do when he gets hungry (will he die if he doesn’t eat?) but he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He hasn’t really thought that far. What is he going to do? It’s not like he can ask a random person on the street if it would be alright for him to have a taste of their blood. And if Hongbin was right, then Hakyeon will have to eat more often if he’s drinking from humans. God, what is he doing?  
  
All he knew when he left was that he couldn’t be that person anymore. He can’t stand in front of their fans looking like this and pretend that everything’s okay. He can’t continually drink his bandmate’s blood and pretend that it’s fine. The last thing he wants to do is hurt anyone, but he’s done that already, hasn’t he? He bit Hongbin, drank his blood. He left his bandmates behind with very little explanation and they’re probably devastated by now.  
  
Suddenly Hakyeon doesn’t want to do this anymore. He doesn’t want to be here, on the beach, breathing the fresh air and pretending that he’s normal. He’s not normal. He’s broken and stupid and terrible and he got himself turned into a vampire and all of this is his fault.  
  
He gets on another train.  
  
\---  
  
Hongbin is having a hard time not throwing a tantrum. There’s nothing in the apartment that will tell him where Hakyeon is, and he almost tried scrying for Hakyeon before he remembered that _vampires can’t be traced._ The others are crying and there’s nothing Hongbin can do and he’s going to go crazy.  
  
He doesn’t. Instead he locks himself in the bathroom and uses the mirror to make a call.  
  
_“What,”_ Chanshik snaps at him, his face appearing where Hongbin’s own reflection was just a few moments before. His hair is a mess. He was either just asleep, or….  
  
“I need your help,” Hongbin says. There’s no point in dancing around things with Chanshik. It just pisses him off. “I fucked up.”  
  
Chanshik sighs a sigh of the long-suffering, and asks, “ _What did you do now? Is it Taekwoon? Did you pester him too much?”_  
  
Hongbin shakes his head, maybe just a tad frantically. This is not the time for Chanshik to be bringing up past grievances. “Hakyeon is missing. He…there was an incident,” he hedges.  
  
Chanshik’s eyes narrow. Clearly he can tell that this ‘incident’ was a little more than Hongbin’s saying. _“What did you do.”_  
  
“He’s a vampire, Chanshik,” Hongbin says.  
  
He doesn’t have to wait long for Chanshik’s reaction. It’s perhaps a bit overdone, wide eyes, brows lifted almost to his hairline, mouth agape. He stares for several precious moments, and then says, _“You’re right. You fucked up good.”_  
  
Hongbin lets out a nervous little chuckle and asks, “So can you help, or…?”  
  
Chanshik lets out another long sigh. He runs a hand through his already-messy hair and says, _“Yeah, sure, why not? What exactly do you need me to do?”_  
  
“You have contacts, right? He fed last night, but I need to find him in the next couple of days. You know how newborns are.” Hongbin doesn’t think that there are enough words to explain how urgent a situation this is. Hakyeon isn’t likely to hurt anyone now, but if he gets hungry enough he might lose control of his higher cognitive abilities. It’s still fairly unlikely that he’ll attack someone, but the more the bloodlust takes him, the higher the chance that he’ll be discovered for what he is.  
  
_“Yeah, shit, I do. Any idea where he could have gone?”_ Chanshik already has a phone in his hand, is tapping rapidly at the screen even as he speaks to Hongbin.  
  
“His hometown is probably a crapshoot,” Hongbin replies. “And I doubt he’s in the city anymore. Other than that?” He shrugs, knowing that he looks a lot more casual than he feels. Where’s the Hongbin who considered cutting Hakyeon loose, just a few hours ago? He wishes he could get that cool rationality back. “I honestly have no idea.”  
  
_“I’ll see what I can do,”_ Chanshik promises.  
  
“Thank you,” Hongbin breathes. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do in the meantime. Maybe try and come up with one of Hakyeon’s belongings that would have enough presence to scry for. “Keep me updated.”  
  
_“I will. And you owe me like a dozen beef dinners after this. I was in the middle of something.”_ Chanshik gestures over his shoulder and Hongbin thinks he might see a head of dark hair in the background. Is Chanshik doing this where his bandmates can _see_?  
  
“If we find him in time, I’ll buy you two dozen,” Hongbin promises.  
  
Chanshik hums a pleased little affirmative and then cuts the communication, and Hongbin is back to staring at his own reflection. God, he hopes they find Hakyeon in time.  
  
\---  
  
It’s been…three days? It might be four, Hakyeon’s not sure. He’s hungry. If he thought the painful, parched feeling he had on his first day as a vampire was bad, this is even worse. It feels like he’s slowly burning alive from the inside. Oh, but he’s not exactly alive, is he? He’s a vampire, and that’s the reason this is happening.  
  
He keeps thinking about Hongbin’s blood, about the wet, metallic slide of it down his throat. He would do almost anything to taste it again. But he can’t go back; he knows that.  
  
This city is too crowded. People bustle down the streets, going who-knows-where to do who-knows-what, and Hakyeon can barely think beyond the notion that each one of them has a steady heartbeat and several liters of blood flowing through their veins. He has to remind himself, over and over, that there are reasons why he can’t touch them, why they need their blood more than he does.  
  
He fucked up bad. He doesn’t know what to do now because if he’s honest with himself he regrets leaving Seoul. His reasons feel insignificant in comparison to his thirst. But he can’t go back.  
  
His steps feel too heavy. He’s almost convinced that he might be leaving cracks in the pavement as he goes, but when he looks back there’s nothing, and then someone runs into him and they fall over and he’s apologizing and stumbling away before they can look too closely at him.  
  
Everything is a blur, and then he realizes that he’s moving too fast—inhumanly fast. The people around him don’t even seem to notice him flitting between them. He needs to go somewhere that’s less crowded and get his head back on straight.  
  
There’s a quick heartbeat up ahead, the singing of a young woman’s blood bright with fear. Hakyeon doesn’t think, he just goes, sees her cornered against the brick wall at the back of an alley and his vision turns red. His grip is too rough on the man’s collar when he yanks him back.  
  
The girl screams, the man chokes, and the next thing Hakyeon knows he has a body pinned under him. It smells odd, like there’s something wrong with the blood, but he leans down anyway. He can hear the rapid staccato of the man’s heartbeat and knows that his blood will make pretty patterns if Hakyeon bites him.  
  
_“Hyung! Goddamnit, hyung, snap out of it!”_  
  
Hakyeon feels like he should recognize the voice, but he’s so focused on the thrumming in the man’s veins, the smell of his fear. He’ll taste good. His fangs extend and Hakyeon inhales deeply.  
  
And then hands are ripping him away and that same voice is saying, _“Cha Hakyeon! Hey, come here. Come on, hyung, I know you’re hungry but we have to get out of here, okay?”_  
  
Hakyeon doesn’t know what’s happening, but the voice is deep and soothing and familiar and he lets the hands pull him away from the man with the sickly-sweet blood.  
  
\---  
  
Hongbin shoves Hakyeon into the car ahead of him and sees Chanshik skirt around the front to get in the driver’s seat. “He didn’t…,” he tries to ask, sighing and threading his fingers through Hakyeon’s hair as he wordlessly lays his head in Hongbin’s lap.  
  
“Guy’s fine,” Chanshik assures him, starting the car and pulling out with a screech of rubber against asphalt. “He was drunk, but I gave him a little dose anyway, just to be safe. He won’t remember this tomorrow.”  
  
“Thank the Lady,” Hongbin breathes. Hakyeon is docile now, cuddling innocently into the warmth of Hongbin’s stomach, but it won’t last long. Hongbin hates dosing anyone, let alone the people he’s sworn to protect, but Hakyeon wasn’t responding to anything else. “We have to…he needs to feed. Can you get us back to the hotel?”  
  
Chanshik winks at him in the rear-view mirror and then takes a sharp right. “Sure thing, Mr. Boss Man, Sir,” he jokes. The ring on his right hand sparkles and then he presses the gas pedal down further. This is so against all of the rules.  
  
“If the council asks, I didn’t see you do that,” Hongbin tells him.  
  
“Didn’t see me do what?” Chanshik asks. His ridiculously white teeth glint as he bares them in a smile, and then he’s taking a left turn so quickly that Hongbin is thrown into the door. In hindsight, it might have been a good idea to wear a seatbelt.  
  
Hakyeon makes a sad little noise and Hongbin returns to petting him. He feels bad for dosing him, but what was he supposed to do? He needed to get Hakyeon away from there before he outed himself. He’s just lucky they’re not in Seoul, where there seems to be a VIXX fan around every corner. As it is, he knows that Chanshik is probably going to have to go back and hunt down the girl that Hakyeon ‘saved’ and make sure that she doesn’t know that there was anything amiss.  
  
He prays to the Lady that everything will somehow be okay and tells Chanshik to drive faster.  
  
\---  
  
Hakyeon wakes up with softness all around him and nothing but quiet in his ears. There’s only a single heartbeat in this room besides his own, and he curls into the source of the sound, feeling strong arms wrapped around him and gentle fingers in his hair. Everything is foggy and indistinct, and it takes him a few moments to remember that there shouldn’t be anyone with him.  
  
When he inhales sharply and jerks upwards the hand falls from his hair and he finds himself looking down at Hongbin. He can’t help but stare—he can’t quite believe that Hongbin is here.  
  
Hongbin just sighs, lets his hands fall to the mattress and stares at him. He looks like he’s been through hell. Maybe he has been; Hakyeon doesn’t have a right to know, anymore.  
  
“What are you doing here?” he asks. It comes out on a croak, and the more awake he becomes the more he realizes just how thirsty he still is. He didn’t kill that poor man, then. That’s good, at least.  
  
“Do you know how hard it was to track you down?” Hongbin asks instead of answering Hakyeon’s question. “You can’t scry for vampires. Chanshik had to call in so many favors to get his network to hunt you down, and we almost didn’t get there in time. What would you have done if you’d killed that man?”  
  
Hakyeon doesn’t know. He doesn’t know anything other than that he couldn’t stay there anymore, couldn’t pretend to be something that he’s not. He isn’t VIXX’s N anymore. That person died when he was turned.  
  
Hongbin reaches out for him, tries to take Hakyeon’s hand or grab onto his arm or something, he doesn’t know. His throat hurts.  
  
“You shouldn’t be here,” Hakyeon says, forces out. He’s hurt enough people. He can’t ruin Hongbin too.  
  
“Hyung,” Hongbin says, pulling his hands back, his voice soft. “You need to eat. If you don’t, you’ll just attack someone else. It won’t stop.”  
  
“I won’t,” Hakyeon insists. He clenches his fists and feels his nails start to cut through skin. Good; he deserves to hurt for what he’s done, what he is.  
  
“You will,” Hongbin retorts. “And you’ll keep killing unless you learn to control it. But starving yourself isn’t the way.”  
  
Hakyeon stands and paces across the room. He can’t be here with Hongbin’s blood thrumming so enticingly beneath his skin and not _want_ to do something about it, but he can control whether he _does._ “I won’t hurt you.”  
  
Hongbin follows him up, stalks closer to Hakyeon until he’s cornered against the wall and tells him, “I’m offering. So you can do this willingly, or so help me Hakyeon I will dose you and you’ll be too pliant and agreeable to say no.”  
  
Hakyeon doesn’t know what that means, but it’s clearly a threat. Hongbin sounds like he’s giving him a choice, but it’s really no choice at all. No matter what, Hakyeon will end up drinking Hongbin’s blood. He feels tears prick at his eyes and sniffs them back because he refuses to cry over the injustice of this. “So you’re just going to force me to be a monster? I don’t get a choice at all?”  
  
“Hey, hyung,” Hongbin whispers, and in the next moment he’s cradling Hakyeon’s face between his palms, gentle like he’s made of porcelain. He presses his forehead against Hakyeon’s and it’s weird because they’ve never been this close but it forces Hakyeon to look only at him, to focus on Hongbin and the words that he’s saying. “You’re not a monster. This, this illness, it doesn’t have to define you. What that woman did to you makes her a monster, but you get to decide your own fate. And drinking from me, choosing not to kill, that’s the choice that’ll keep you from becoming like her.”  
  
Hakyeon takes a shuddery breath, admits that he’s crying and lets the tears flow. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he says again.  
  
Hongbin shakes his head, an awkward rocking movement with their foreheads still pressed together. “It doesn’t hurt,” he promises.  
  
Hakyeon chokes out, “I don’t believe you.”  
  
“It doesn’t hurt,” Hongbin repeats. “I told you, the fae were made for this. A vampire bite doesn’t hurt us any more than an orgasm does.”  
  
Hakyeon feels that sink in past the fog, and then feels like he might be blushing. Can he blush anymore? If he can, he is. “Oh,” he says. “Um.”  
  
Hongbin is smiling, showing off all his bright white teeth. “So,” he says, “are you going to drink, or do I have to force you? Because I didn’t think you were that kinky, but I guess if that’s what you’re into….” He trails off to watch Hakyeon splutter, and when Hakyeon shoves at his chest he backs up a few steps.  
  
“Fine,” Hakyeon hisses. “But I swear to god, Lee Hongbin, if you say or do anything even _vaguely_ sexual while I am… _biting you_ I promise you that they will never find your body.”  
  
Hongbin laughs, that explosive laugh that he has, almost too loud and abrasive in this small space. Hakyeon’s head throbs and his wince makes Hongbin cut himself off abruptly. “Sorry,” he whispers, reaching out to tug Hakyeon back toward the bed. “Let’s sit, yeah?”  
  
Hakyeon sits, and if his posture is a little stiffer than normal, he can’t be blamed. Hongbin basically just admitted to _getting off_ to Hakyeon biting him, and if that wasn’t the weirdest thing he’d ever heard, well…okay, so it was second to ‘you’re a vampire and I’m a fairy’ but it was very close.  
  
“Relax, hyung. I’m not gonna do anything weird, I promise. To me, the bite is like…you know when Taekwoon-hyung massages your shoulders and you just sort of melt? It’s like that,” Hongbin explains. He’s still got one hand wrapped around Hakyeon’s wrist and he scoots a little closer on the bed. He smells good.  
  
It’s getting hard to concentrate again and Hakyeon realizes that if he doesn’t drink soon, he’s not going to have a choice in the matter, no matter what Hongbin says. So he takes a deep breath, asks, “Where should I…?”  
  
Hongbin’s wearing an open button-up over a t-shirt, and he lets go of Hakyeon’s hand to slip it off one shoulder. It’s the side opposite the one that Hakyeon bit last time.  
  
“Are you going to scar if I do this too often?” Hakyeon asks, eyeing the smooth unblemished skin of Hongbin’s arm. He’s their perfect visual, and Hakyeon will not be responsible for ruining that.  
  
“I’m fae, hyung. We heal fast,” Hongbin says. He lifts a hand—the arm that Hakyeon will not be drinking from—to thread his fingers through Hakyeon’s hair. Hakyeon doesn’t usually like people touching his hair, but Hongbin’s touch is nice, blunt nails scratching lightly over his scalp. “Just drink,” he says.  
  
So Hakyeon leans in, breathes deep the smell of Hongbin’s skin—soap and salt and something herby and fresh—and lets his fangs distend. He’s surprised how quickly he’s learned to control them.  
  
Hongbin’s gasp when he bites down takes a whole new meaning now, and Hakyeon can’t help but notice how shaky Hongbin’s hand in his hair gets as Hakyeon swallows.  
  
It’s like drinking hot iron, but Hakyeon can’t help sucking greedily for more when it seems like Hongbin isn’t bleeding fast enough. It slides down his throat like a balm, settles thick and warm and comfortable in the pit of his stomach. He should feel horrible and guilty for doing this, but somehow all he can feel is _relieved_.  
  
Hongbin pets him and whispers, “That’s it, hyung. Let it go.”  
  
Hakyeon still doesn’t really understand what’s happening to him, but at least Hongbin is here to help him figure it out.  
  
\---  
  
Half the band starts crying when Hakyeon and Hongbin get back to the dorm. He probably should have expected it, and he kind of did, except that he was definitely not expecting Sanghyuk to be one of the people crying. But the first thing their poor maknae does when Hakyeon walks in the door is curl his ridiculously large body up, wrap his arms around Hakyeon’s waist, and start sobbing uncontrollably into his shirt.  
  
Hakyeon breathes, fights back tears of his own, and holds Sanghyuk. He’s extra careful when draping his arms around Sanghyuk’s shoulders because he’s still not entirely sure that he can control his new strength (a few door handles and one of his favorite shirts may have ended up casualties in the last few days).  
  
“Hyung, where have you been?” Wonshik demands, looking on the verge of tears himself. He’s clutching his phone in his hands like it’s a lifeline. He’s probably been trying to call Hakyeon for days. Too bad Hakyeon had his phone off.  
  
Hakyeon could tell the truth, but Hongbin warned him against that already. He said it would only cause trouble, that telling the others would hurt them. He’s not sure he believes it, and he’s not sure he can hurt them more than he already has, but Hakyeon says, “I’m sorry. I needed…I was having a hard time, and I just needed a few days to think.”  
  
Sanghyuk lets out a loud, hiccupping sob. “You made it sound like you were leaving us _forever_.”  
  
“I know,” Hakyeon murmurs. He rubs Sanghyuk’s back, still achingly gentle because he doesn’t want to hurt him. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t in a good place, but I shouldn’t have worried all of you.”  
  
“Damn right,” Taekwoon says, and he comes forward with a stern look on his face. He examines Hakyeon so closely that Hakyeon starts to worry about the quality of the hurried spray-tan that he and Hongbin applied at the hotel. “What the hell were you thinking?”  
  
“I wasn’t,” Hakyeon admits. “I was hurting, and I was worried that I would hurt the rest of you too. I didn’t want to do that.” He looks down at Sanghyuk, their strong maknae torn down by Hakyeon’s actions. He left to keep from hurting them, because he wasn’t the leader they deserved, but he ended up hurting them in the process. “There’s nothing I can do to make up for this.”  
  
“There is,” Hongbin interrupts, and he claps Hakyeon on the shoulder and gives him a smile. Hongbin took the bandages off his shoulder this morning and there was nothing, no sign that Hakyeon had ever bitten him. “You can stay with us,” he says. “You can keep working beside us. You can tell us when you’re struggling instead of running away.”  
  
The others nod in agreement, and Hakyeon deflates with a sigh. “Alright,” he agrees. “I pledge my life in indentured servitude to the lot of you until such time as you deign to release me.”  
  
Jaehwan laughs, and then Hongbin laughs, and then the whole lot of them are flinging themselves at Hakyeon and tackling him to the floor in a huge messy hug. He kind of gets an elbow to the face, and someone gets a knee to the groin, but they’re all still laughing and Hakyeon lets them cuddle up to him and doesn’t mind that his lungs are being crushed even though he discovered that that’s one thing that vampires actually still need.  
  
They need him. They love him and they want him beside them and maybe Hakyeon can figure the rest of it out. Maybe this doesn’t have to be the end of VIXX, or N, or his dreams. But maybe he doesn’t have to stop being Cha Hakyeon, either.  
  
\---  
  
_Hongbin,_  
  
_I don’t think I can do this. You said being a vampire wasn’t like it is in the movies but I can’t help but think they’ve got some things right. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to hurt_ you _._  
  
_Maybe what I’m doing is selfish. Maybe I should be trying harder to make it work. But I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror anymore, I can’t bear to think that my fans are going to think that I’m a huge hypocrite. What kind of role model can I be, like this?_  
  
_Taekwoonie will make a great leader. And you, Hongbin, I know you’ll keep them safe. I don’t know what kind of magic the fae have, or how much you’re allowed to interfere, but I’m gonna ask you to do everything in your power to protect them and make sure they’re happy, okay?_  
  
_You guys deserve to reach the top. You deserve to have everything you’ve dreamed about. VIXX forever, right?_

 

 


End file.
